Heartless

Kanye West asked me the other day, "How could you be so heartless?".

I was once an optimist, with dreams and plans. I thought I had the world. haha. What a fool.

Why am I heartless?

I had given my heart to someone, I trusted that they'd be there for me forever and ever. I was mislead. They found greener pastures. I found slightly yellowish ones. One person had to hurt. I'm not blaming it on anyone. I'm not saying both parties wasn't hurt. I'm rambling. Sorry.

I wish it had gone better. You were both my best friends. My go to people. My steal in the wool. I had full trust, and I had full love for both of you.

We are still friends, no doubt. But it won't be the same anymore.

Remember the sweet memories.

PS: What are words if you really don't mean 'em when you say 'em.

Of zits and hormones

Lately there has been an influx of acne on the lower jawline of my face. I'm not sure why it had focussed on that particular area, but somehow I'm annoyed it isn't equally distributed.

I have a theory that this happened due to the amount of stress for the last month of my internship, coupled with the excessive amount of nicotine intake and the lack of exercise.

Been trying real hard to cut back on the nicotine, and alhamdulillah its bearing fruit :) the exercise part though, that's a tricky one.

Or perhaps I've been thinking too much. Meh. I don't know. LOL.

Hopefully my zits will be gone by the end of the month and i'll be back to shape soon, and by shape I mean apple. Bad joke there, I know. Right, I'm rambling, till next time.

Ps: lets set the world on fire, we can burn brighter, than the sun!

I woke up this morning

I've been drained of my life source by the lords of Mr. S for the past 7 months, and I'm regaining what I've lost, SLEEP!

So I woke up today, doing my usual routine of Subuh, then a couple pages of the book I'm currently reading, then a quick doze off, then I wake up and open up my laptop. My heart skipped a beat today. I'm not going into details, but may I say, you look real beautiful my dear. Delightful in every sense, an essence of happiness in each smile. :D

So, we gots this Bersih thingy a couple days back eh? I do believe, after reading one article (trying to be cynical here, failed attempt, I know), that the fight for free and fair elections is just. People have the right to know and believe that their casted votes are not being manipulated by a third party to benefit another party. Especially if said party is the party the voted against. Good enough for me. Though, I'd think the whole street demo was a bit of a "huh-hah" thingy rather than a real force for a legitimate cause. You have you're reasons, I have mine. But here's the next question I'd like to pose.... will it work?

In a very humble but slightly cunning way, I'd like to say no. Lets look into a scenario yea, even if the amendments that the Bersih organizers are crying for would pass in the Dewan Negara. By right of public opinion, our elections would be truly free and fair, am I right? Think again.

There are several ways to manipulate the system, and the biggest and easiest way to do so. Is with some paper with a Sultan's face on it. Everything starts with big people having a lot of money and will end with these big people stop using money for leverage. and where did this money come from? The banks of course, and banks will work on the principle of certainty. If they are certain a particular party is good enough to hold on to their interest and manage their investments, then said party will gain a certain leverage.

Having read that even though Ambiga had dispersed the crowd much earlier, the rally was hijacked by PR men. These people are smart, they want this to happen to Bersih, the tears gas, the violence. Because when this happens, it creates an uncertainty of trust from the banks to the ruling govt. Most probably giving the other party a chance to gain leverage.

I know this is all just a conspiracy theory, but hey, its logical in every sense.

Till next time :P

ps: We had a dream, We chased our dreams, We lost each other

Lose some, Gain some

It has been a week since I've ended my internship at SLB. I've gain plenty of new friends, rekindled old ones and appreciated the ones that stayed. Thank you for making my 7 months fun and amazing!

What makes you happy?

A question that I've been asking myself for quite some time now. Is it shit loads of money? Or ultimate popularity? Or just a scoop of Haagen Dasz ice cream?

Its quite subjective to have a fully comprehensive understanding on the term "happy", but I managed to see a glimpse of it the other day. The funny thing is, it didn't manifest through myself but transpired through a third party, or should I say....a couple :)

So I gots this bro,  a very good man. Always has bad luck in relationships, I coin it as his inability to close, if you know what I mean. Well, long story short, in his attempt to woo a human of opposite gender, I was there to witness this budding relationship blossom into something real beautiful.

From being mutual friends, to being close friends, to being really close friends and I hope, if everything goes well, they'd jump into a beautiful and intimate role I call a loving and caring relationship. It kinda reminds me of what I've been through *smiles ear to ear*

Alright then, till next time.

Ps: if fates and dreams collide, it would be majestic

It's almost that time of year again

It's almost that time of year again, where you can reflect back and see what you have achieved.

Tomorrow I'll be 22, the big TWO-TWO, and it would make me.......well, 22.

I'm expecting this year to be a mellow, perhaps no celebration, perhaps no remembrance. I assume I'm just the guy you see when you walk to class, or the guy you see when you don't know really hard English words. I was never the guy people came to for thick and thin. I never had a best friend, nor I think I would have one in the future. I will still be that guy who's gonna stay at home over the weekend, waking up late, watching the TV and eventually die lonely.

Right. Review of my goals.

To be honest, I am a very simple guy who wants simple things in life. I don't care if I have millions of money in my bank account, or if I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 10 people. All I wanted was for somebody to love and to cherish.

With all my accomplishments so far, securing a job and shit. I deem my year of 21 unsuccessful. Because I lost the only thing that can make me happy. And whats worst than that, is that I have lost the will to love. I'm not sure if anyone can replicate what we had before, and I sure pity the next person I fall in love with, because she won't receive the same amount that you have.

I'm getting teary eyed with this. Dah la, benda dah lepas, buat apa ko nak pegang lama-lama kan?

My birthday wish for this year, is that I wish to move on. I wish to love myself more than I love another person. And I wish I won't be as weak as I was before. Please grant me that Ya Rabb.

That one moment...

Have you ever had that one moment where you just look in front of you and see a big dark wall, as if everything beyond that was your future but you can't see shit.

That is truly a horrendous feeling to have, it feels that all that you have worked for, and all that you planned, is just a waste of time and energy! That for once in your life, ypu don't expect anything from anyone, even from yourself.

I guess I'm feeling that right now.

No one to talk to, no one wanting to care, no one in your life that truly recognizes that you're in utter pain.

Yes, I am a man that tends to hide these emotions from normal acquantaince, I do not feel that some random people should know how you feel and your most vulnerable moment. So I heard this saying on twitter the other day.

"you've come to the point in life where you don't need a bunch of friends, but you need few loyal friends"

That's where the problem comes from, what I actually need is the ONE that will take my heart away, that ONE person that I can share all the hearts ups and downs. I thought I found you, I thought you were it, but you riped my hearts into pieces.

I have would do anything for you, I would have been the perfect man for you. I have never complained and I have nevet stopped loving you. But it hurts, it hurts when you say no, it hurts when you say we are over.

As words front Adele, just take it all and don't look back at this crumbling fool.

Tablet blogging

I guess i haven't blogged for quite some time now. Well I guess this is a fresh start, for a reason of course.

I had this someone, who was my avid reader or I might say my only reader. She loved the way I wrote and the way I articulate words into letters and texts, and yes, as you have might guessed, is no longer with me. So let me do this, as a gift or perhaps a last ditch effort to remind you about us...

Thank you for 3 wonderful years, and this blog is a testament to my love for you.

Ps: tablet blogging is not that bad