sorry

blogging is a form of art that many people do but not many can master.

to blog is hard to maintain.

to blog is hard to get a voice.

the voice that leads to a great post.

a great post comes once a month; if lucky, once a week

for me, it hasn't come yet

readers...please wait.

*sigh*

i'm at home, wondering what should i do at 3 am.

my astro is unpaid.

my ps2 is in putrajaya.

my desktop is in tronoh.

these are the times that i wish i could spend it like the good old days where i would hang out with my cousins or my friends.

*sigh*

when is that gonna happen again?

inside scoop

There's been a lot of crap happening this weekend and I haven't had the time to write anything new. So, I've thought that I'd give ypu guys an inside scope of the next post.

I fell

I fell hard and it hurts.

The postscript up there has double meanings. First is that I literally fell down hard on my ass when I was playing football this afternoon. I thought for a second there I broke my bone (more specifically my coccyx) but luckily the amount of fatness in my ass just broke the fall for me.

Falling hard sucks. It doesn’t matter if you fall down like me, fall down the stairs or fall down from were you think it was the best place for you. I have a story to tell you, it maybe quite boring yet there are certain morals in it that you can take precedence.

The teenage years of my life are full of show boating and arrogance due to the feeling that I should be significant in other people’s perspective. I should be the yellow dot on the map that men search for when they’re lost. I should be the marker in which men should strive to accomplish. I should be the asshole for believing that I am significant to other men when I’m just a fuck wanting to be important.

I remember one chapter in my life that totally changed the direction in the way I think. That is which the moment I entered the debate team in my school (boarding school mind you). I was young and naïve, eager to impose myself as masterful player in the arena of debating. Eager to be known as the one that acts as a benchmark to school debaters. Yet, was I even ready to be a benchmark of myself yet alone others? I was in denial.

Long story short, I did manage to knick into the debate team but only as an understudy to my seniors. Still, it was a huge step for me. In that year, we won numerous championships notably the Prime Ministers Cup. I was over my head with the accolades coming from the administration of the school and even the district education office (is that right?). I became big headed. Show boating to friends and showing my arrogance to teachers. My life was pretty fucked up at that moment. Well, I’m not complaining as it was my fault. I was young and naïve, loving the spotlight.

A year passed by and I became the prime debater. I was so called the ‘star’ in the team and I would carry them once more to the final. The accolade was filling my head; it also filled my arrogance and the feud with my superiors. Like people say ‘jatuh cam nangka busuk’, I was too like a nangka busuk. The team only went as far as the group stages and it was I to blame.

I hoped to much to be significant finding out that I’m just a regular bloke.

Due to the show boating and the arrogance, I didn’t win the prize that I know realize carry much importance to me. Friends. I carried myself with such a low self demeanor which I thought was good for my self esteem. It had actually eaten me inside out. Nevertheless, without this lively experience, I still would be the same bloke with such arrogance that even Zeus would envy and at the same time lose it all.

My ass still hurts.

If I could, I would

I woke quite late today just to notice that I have tons and tons of assignments too complete before the end of the week and that I to have to study for 2 tests on Friday (notably Physics and e.Math).

As I was snoozing mildly in my uncomfortable bed, I was reminiscing about the good old times. The times where you’re not burdened by the fact that you didn’t have to wake up to assignments on a Sunday afternoon. The fact that even if you wake up late, you’re not guilty that you waste your precious time on sleeping.

Is it me, or is it that I’m afraid to grow up? I mean, when you were a kid you’d imagine growing up was the best thing life can offer. You can drive, drink booze, go clubbing and watch rated X movies. Okay I to feel that’s something I’d like but my point is you got a huge responsibility that comes with the clubbing and boozing.

I remember that when I was small, I would cycle around with my friends for hours around our neighborhood. Hanging around, just forgetting that the world actually spins. Lepaking with my cousins at my nenek’s house, playing at the big swing which my dad bought. Not even considering that it was dangerous. Well not until I fell down and split my head open thought. Yet again, those were the times that I’m missing and will trade all the success in life just to get 5 minutes of it back.

If I could, I would do it.

p/s: damn assignments and tests!!

The end justifies the means~~

i haven't been bloggingfor awhile..you could call it writers block
(if i was a writer though)
or you could call it a reinvention of this so called blog.





I was reading back at the past blogs that I have written and I noticed that all my posts are dull and pathetic. Seriously if hadn't known better I thought it was written by some fuck that was seeking attention from the people around him. To appal to the recent trends of society. To 'fit' in with the 'normals' yet he himself crumbles due to peer presure and self-esteem.


I was reading this blog and it somewhere between the lines yelled at me. 'It' by some means just told me
'hey, just be yourself and ignore the fucks around you. Express yourself in writing as you would express yourself as you'
It really hit me in the head I just realized that I should do that. or should i do the opposite of that?

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the sky makes me look pathetic

I just realized the amount of pathetic-ness in my life.


I realized that i just wasted half of my youth to waste half of my adult life. sucks ehh.. its like, why on earth did I choose to go to a boarding school? why on earth did i choose to become somewhat of leader to waste my precious teenage life of not being resposible? why did I enter so many activities that i didn't have much time just to lay about and talk about nothing? why did I do all this just to get a scholarship and live happily ever after?


what if I could turn back time and do the opposite of what i choose to do?where will i be now? hanging out at bukit bintang? working in McDonalds? or blogging at 1 am?


Would I love indulging in social activities with friends or would i enjoy more staying in this cramped room studying for two tests on the same day?
Would I love hanging out after a hard days work in McDonalds or would i prefer hanging out in the library doing assignments after a hard days work of listening to lecturers.
Would I love the thought of not knowing where I would be in 10 years or would I be happier knowing that i will be working in a multinational company.(Petronas maybe?)


The fact is, men are never satisfied. They whine and whine and whine again. Over and over. Oh god, why did you give me this? Why did you do this to me? Why is my life so fucked up?
Haven't you thought that people are destined to be the things that we are supposed to be? I mean that we have our own purpose in life. yet again, i doesn't mean that you can't change the way you are but you definately can change the way you'll be getting there. it doesn't mean that if you aren't accepted into an ivy league university you can't get a nice job. foe me it's just the opposite.


for me~~the end justifies the means~~


p/s: indie is much better than mainstream