Near Death

It scares me that my first post in several months started with a poem about death.

One of my biggest fears in life is to die, I am afraid that I will die alone. With no one to hold my hand, no one to whisper the syahadah in my ear and no one to tell me "it's all going to be ok soon"

Right now, I think those fears aren't prevalent, because I have my best friends near by. Last night, twas a different story.

Having a long night random sessions with my friends are quite a norm. We hanged near Teluk Batik and talked for a very long time. Heading back, suddenly a car swerved to our side of the road, missing us by inches. All I could remember was at one point I was talking to Faris, and the next I could see a headlight of a car going on course for a head-on-head collision with us. It missed.

What if it hit us.

What if we were driving faster.

What if we were on the right lane.

What if we died.

What if they died.

PS: All I want is you....

A sudden realization

Forgive me for I have sinned.

Staring at the valley of death.

Longing for a brutal eternity.

I really don't know what those line mean.

So I was having a quick run about the campus, and suddenly I stopped running. It was nearing Maghrib prayers and the sun was quickly setting behind those puffy blue clouds. For the first time in my actual life as a student, I stopped and took everything in. To be honest, I've never tried to appreciate anything in my life. What I knew, was it was just already there. Sitting by the bedside, staring at me every single day. But never once had I appreciated the serenity of this beauty.

It quickly reminded me of the Robert Frost poem "The Road not Taken".

"Two roads diverged into a yellow road,
and sorry I could not travel both...."

Had I been running too fast that I could not see the other yellow road? Did I get the chance to feel sorry that I couldn't choose which road to follow? And is this the best road that I have chosen?

I suddenly realized, I'm about to end my tenure as a student here. I will become a legitimate adult soon. Have all my dreams came true? Is it too late for me to achieve something more here?

......or should I just stop, and appreciate whats in front of me right now. And hold on for dear life, until I have to let go.

What's with all these questions?

PS: This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong.