blurbs

Never in my life have I ever felt this,

I had one, but never like this,

Talk, walk, laugh.

Oh so special moments,

With you, and you only.

Being me, unjudgemental,

By you, and only you.

No words may describe you,

Not even perfect nor perfection.

Are we meant for each other?

Are we deemed for each other?

Are we made for each other?

Oh so many words are used for you,

One is meant for us,

Not now, not here,

I will be waiting for that,

When we are ready.

Forget the past quick,

As we can emerge victorius in the future,

together;One.

dah makan?

One of the weird things that I like to enjoy is eating by myself.

I mean, I'm no loner or something. I just enjoy the serenity of being able to enjoy your meal without having to converse with other people.

Oftenly enough I eat with my friends, sharing stories, cracking up jokes, bursting with loud laughter that will just annoy the people eating near you. It's fun if you think about it. Eating with friends will make you feel the sense of security of having people around you. Maybe, just maybe you'll feel proud that you have friends to eat with. Or maybe, just maybe some people have the fear of eating alone because they are afraid of being alone,feeling the loneliness that in fact are deep within them. It's only a theory but to some extent it maybe true.

I feel that eating alone is somewhat of spiritual test. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hippy or anything equivalent to it, but what I'm saying here is that to be eating alone is man. I personally feel that by eating alone itself can test you depth in mind. It shows that you are brave, you aren't afraid to do something beyond the norm, you are unique by your own means.

For me, eating alone is like a trip to hawaii. Enjoying the tranquility and peace of mind. Being able to think and to observe other people their, and the most important part. Able to enjoy my food without being pau-ed!haha

A friend asked me why did I ate alone. A friend felt sorry for me because I ate alone. I love eating alone.

lazy fat ass

I'll do anything to just stop my mind from thinking so vigrously so often. I mean, it's not that I don't like it, but I've been thinking about really stupid stuff really. Why can't I filter these thoughts and just focus on the means currently.

A not so hectic day yesterday, I mean my friends and I did have full lectures on Monday plus my physics lab/tutorial, but 2 of the classes were cancelled. I was surprised at the amount of rajin-ness I posses today, I manage to finish my chemistry assignment and do my literary analysis(although I stopped half way through because someone said they already found it on DC++ ; well at the end her laptop got virus so we still nees to make a new one).

cool pic eh

Going on to today's moral lesson. Focus.

Guess in the past year I've changed a lot. I have less pimples, I got whiter(maybe), my hair became less of a sabut kelapa and more like a real hair. Well, these changes are not quite that important, the important bit is the ability to focus in class that used to be my number 1 weapon to due well in exams.

I'll be frank, I'm a lazy fat ass boy that prefers to sleep or eat or both at the same time if I can instead of studying. I mean, at my old school I was either going to class or sleeping in my room. However, I managed to catch up solely due to focus. I didn't sleep in class nor did I intend to skip it. It kinda amazes me how the amount of focus a person can give actually determines the outcome.

So, yesterday I tried focusing in class(which usually I'd have an attention span for the first 15 minutes). Oh I was surprised. My brain could actually understand the null and notorius teachings of Dr Isa and the all talk-no-stop Dr John. Warning, after a long time I didn't practice focusing, my head went dizzy and I ended up being tired at 10!haha

Why the sudden focus? Since entering UTP I had fathom for change, and I knew I could change back to the old me anytime I wanted. My friends told me that I was abu-abu *screw you*. So for that day, I tried becoming the old me(the good part I mean) and I succeeded!haha...screw you guys.

So, I think I should change the today's moral lessons to "get off your lazy fat ass and change you fat bastard" or shouldn't I. naah..I'm to lazy to write the upper half of this post again.

Signing off: lazy fat ass

snippets

Is it because of you that I feel so low? I mean, once I was the one that could do anything-might that be everything when I was with you.

Were you the one that made me feel invincible and superior at the same time. As if I can do anything I pleased of doing. Now though, doing a simple 2x2 equation is as hard as memorizing a whole text book of physics.

Who is to be blamed for my demise? Is it you? Or is it I to be accountable for my own fall? I mean, I’m not blaming anybody though, but maybe, just maybe the one I used to heart is to be blamed? Even a little bit.

*sigh*
Nak buat macam mana.

let's just be friends

today is quite a dissapointing day for me. I was so suppose to go to the Kami gig in Bukit Jalil with some friends, but I got stuck with the a very bad case of demam urat-which my sis diagnoised me-and had to stay home doing nothing. So guys, have fun without me! *sigh*

Going on, how about some thoughts of mind. Today's moral lesson is about let's just be friends.

Ain't it hard to meet new people? I mean, to the fact that mingling around with other people will make other people talk about you. In the current status quo of Malaysian students is that when they see a guy hanging out with a girl, the will automatically say that there is something going on between them.

Isn't it wrong to conclude something so hard(love) so quickly? I mean, this is someone else's life your talking about and who are you to talk about it.

For me, I think the level of open-ness in the Malaysian society has lead to this. I mean, no offence though, my university is filled with students with a family background of conservative and lack of open-ness in them. When they see something different which is out of their norm, they will talk. Mind this, maybe some people such as I will not be offended but others? Come on, some things should be filtered.

Known to the fact that let's just be friends. I particularly like the meaning of it. It says that let us be close and at the same time dettach ourselves from feelings of each other. I myself have no problem in doing this, but others can't. Some people such as myself are not in a comittable position, we can't commit due to several reason's. It's not like we can't, but it's because we don't want to-yet.

For now, I think I will hold on to the saying "lets just be friends". I hope you will to.

solutions and execution

as i grow older, the spirit of raya in has slowly diminised in the pit of my guts. It's not as if I'm not celebrating raya, but it is because the celebration of raya has been not up to expectation as previous years have.

Time and time again I have asked myself the same question. Why?
Thinking and solving problems are my sanctuaries. Execution of them are my enemies.

I've been thinking the best way to rekindle the amount of raya-ness in me. I have found the solution. I couldn't get the execution. Yet, as I thought about it over and over again. Continuosly finding other precedented means that could support my justification. The conclusion to my solution was simple.

SIMPLE.

However, due to the involvement of several parties in this less chaotic mechanism. The solution could not be done. Thinking again, it knocked on my head.

Few should be sacrificed to the betterness of all.

Is my family the few that should be sacrificed? Guess so. Nevermind. I'm used to be miserable and hiding it from 'people'. I know this for a fact, when you smile, others will too. I thought, eventhought this raya sucks for me, don't let the blokes around me feel it. Let them enjoy the raya-ness in them.

Thanks to this raya, I read a great Dan Brown novel called Deception Point.
Thanks to this raya, I got half-hearted raya sms's from 'friends'.
Thanks to this raya, I got car-lagged.
Thanks to this raya, I hearted someone.
Thanks to this raya, I got angpau.
Thanks to this raya, I didn't get any raya-ness at all.

p/s:waiting eagerly for this oddly mix of naz's kek lapis and mercun!